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Monday, April 20, 2015

Ann Arbor Votes To Define Guns In Schools As Illegal "Emergency"

Missing April Fools’ Day by some two weeks, and just days after the town celebrated its 44th-annual “Hash Bash”—this year headlined by stoner comedian Tommy Chong—the Ann Arbor, Mich., public school board voted April 15 to formally declare that henceforth, any firearm in any school shall not only be illegal, but shall also constitute an official “emergency” (unless the armed person is a law enforcement officer). Of course, that might protect the delicate anti-gun sensibilities of the board, but it also ensures that if any terrorist or insane mass killer exploits the school’s “gun-free” zone to commit maximum homicide at minimum risk, no law-abiding citizen will be able to stop him.

Next on the Ann Arbor public school board’s agenda: Votes on whether to officially define fire as “hot,” nighttime as “dark,” quantum mechanics as “really, really trippy” and Captain Crunch breakfast cereal as “the most awesome munchies in Ann Arbor, man.”