Someone asked me how I feel when I don’t have my gun on me. I asked him how he would feel standing on a balcony on the 27th floor with no guardrail? You know you’re not going to leap off the balcony and you know your friends aren’t going to push you, but there’s something about having a guard rail there just in case that makes you feel a little better. Long story short, I would always rather have my gun on me than not. However, there are some times when carrying a gun can be like bringing your annoying little sister along on a date. You’d love to lock her in a closet and go about your business, but you won’t. At least I won’t. I don’t have a little sister, but I carry a gun.
There are some situations and even entire days in which my gun and everything else that comes with concealed carry tries to test the outer limits of my patience. Sometimes your concealed carry setup just feels different. You’ve worn these jeans while carrying the same gun a thousand times, and yet today for some reason your gun feels like it weighs 50 pounds more and is twice the size it was before.
The unassuming gun "free" zone has become the bane of my existence while carrying. There’s nothing like being out with a group of friends when someone recommends a great place to eat, and you walk up only to realize it’s a gun "free" zone. Now, you’re standing outside of the Mexican restaurant that you’ve actually been to before and thought the food was subpar at best, trying to figure out if you should put your gun back in your car, commit a felony or leave altogether. I just wanted some fajitas.
Let’s not forget the random girl in the group who just found out you carry everywhereWhat kind of life do you live, that you feel like you need to carry a gun everywhere you go? you go and is now giving you the side eye like you eat baby fetuses, asking you ridiculous questions like, “What kind of life do you live, that you feel like you need to carry a gun everywhere you go?” Now, I’m forced to play educate the girl who thinks every gun is a Glock, because the “exciting” drug dealer she dated back in college showed her a Glock that was actually a Hi-Point. Again, I just wanted some fajitas.
Then there’s the shirt that conceals your gun perfectly while you’re standing, but once you go to sit down, becomes two sizes smaller and displays your gun in all its glory. Now you’re yanking at your shirt like you have the motor skills exclusive version of Tourette’s. Then you get the bright idea to go to the bathroom and move the gun to your appendix side, only to have the RTF grip texture of your Glock become a tactical exfoliating pad on your stomach.
One of the most annoying things about carrying is realizing you’ve forgotten your gun after you’ve already left the house. You know you’re not paranoid and you know the
odds of you having to use the gun aren’t great, but now you’re coming up with “what if” scenarios in your mind. Ten minutes later you’re still sitting in your car debating if you’re going to go back and get your gun, when if you had just done so ten minutes ago you’d be on your way.
Spare magazines offer their own little piece of hell. Deciding whether to carry a spare magazine is like trying to decide whether to pay the extra $30 to put a Best Buy warranty on the Bose speakers you just bought. You clearly don’t want to, but there’s some merit to it. Just like paying another $30 after the initial $250, having to carry a spare magazine on top of the gun you’re already carrying is freaking annoying. I have enough stuff on me already; the last thing I need is another thing in my pocket, especially a suggestively shaped magazine that can make it look like I accidently popped a Cialis.
This list was by no means intended to be exhaustive, and clearly I’m being a little facetious, but carrying has its ups and downs like anything else. I think the benefits by far exceed the drawbacks, and I will continue to carry every chance I get. There are a lot of factors that go into carrying that people don’t realize, some of them serious and others not so much, but like I said before, I’d always rather have a gun on me than not.
If you concealed carry a gun on a daily basis, what are some of the things that annoy you?
Colion Noir is an NRA News Commentator and the host of NOIR on NRA Freestyle.
